I am stronger than your drug

Well, that’s it. After 4 months of relative sanity and no longer being a slave to my anxiety, it’s back, and on fire.

Today instead of studying for the gigantic exam that I just took (and bombed), I sat on the couch and stared off into space. For a while I slapped myself around, then I snuggled the cat, rocked back and forth, and then twitched for a while.

I tried to study, I really did. I wanted to study, I’d like to do well in my classes so that if I do in fact get into the nursing program, I’ll have good grades. That’d all be nice.

But today, something else had a hold on me. Dark cold fingers gripped my chest, making it hard to breath, kept me pinned to the couch, so that even my desire to walk into the kitchen and eat seemed impossible.


I don’t think that most people have their lives so touched by heroin. I really don’t. I just lost a friend to a junkie, and now, my best friend is becoming one.

My best friend. The girl that should always be there for me, that I’ll always be there for. She was my maid of honor, I’m going to be her maid of honor we have matching tattoos, we even wear dorky Best Friends necklaces.



She’s using. Not only is she using. She’s shooting up. She’s shooting up and she’s lying to me.

She told me she’s been clean for 2 weeks, that she wants nothing to do with the guy that got her into it. She has a handle on it, she wants her life back, she wants her self back. She hasn’t been using long, or that much, she’s really working hard on sobriety.


(It bares mentioning, they don’t have a romantic relationship, just friends.)

This is what she told me. And I believed her.

This is what she told another friend:
She’s not been clean two weeks, she’s been clean maybe a week and a half, if that. She is still hanging out with this guy, they’ve been planning a trip across the state together. She did 10 bags a week.

I think 10 bags a week is a lot.

She didn’t tell me about either of these things.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t loose her. I wont.

I think the most that I can do is be there for her. Call her daily, text as much as I can. Be supportive, be there for her.

I have no fucking idea what to do for some one who uses heroin.

The last time I was close friends with a junkie he ended up OD’ing in the back of my car because he mixed two things that shouldn’t be mixed. (He ended up surviving, I got him to the hospital in time. We never spoke again after that)

I’m not prepared for this. I have no idea what to do for her. Do I tell some one else? That feels like something that a 16 year old in highschool would do. Oh no, my friend is doing drugs, I should tell a teacher!

She says that she’s going to therapy through the school, for her depression. She says she told her therapist about her drug use.

I don’t know, I don’t know if I can trust what she’s telling me.

I’m going to have to be stronger than the drug. I’m going to have to force my will to save her on this terrible demon that has infected her.

I must. And I will. She will not be taken from me. I swear it.
By all of the Gods that have been, are or shall be, I will NOT allow her to be taken from me.