Vacancy sign

15 Weeks Pregnant- Some things I've learned.

2011-03-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

Here is a quick and dirty list of all the things I've learned since getting knocked up:

- Hyper G is the devil.

- Women who have mulitple childen seem to think that they're experts on pregnancy and wish to share that wisdom with you.

- Establishing a "no-unsolicited advice rule" with your friend and family won't actually work.

- Setting up registries is really fun, and really nerve wracking, especially if you don't like asking people for things.

- People who only get regular morning sickness are really fucking lucky.

- Fruits and veggies are the least terrible things to throw up. Meat is the worst. Carbs are some where in the middle.

- Pregnancy is remarkably painful.

- "Don't worry about it" is the stupidest, most useless advice you will ever receive.

- Despite the incredible decrease in the odds of miscarriage, your fear of miscarriage doesn't seem to decrease at the end of the first trimester

- Your confident doctor, who doesn't order a lot of extra tests and ultrasounds because you're "right on track" will annoy the mother loving shit out of you because GODS DAMNIT you think something might be wrong because you had a funny twinge the other day

- Words like "Prego" "Preggers" and the like aren't cute or funny. They are obnoxious and make you want to punch people in the face.

- Your once long and zen-like temper has shrunk to about the size of a kernel of corn. However, if anyone said this to you you'd probably rip their face off and shove it down their throats.

- Fear of gender disappointment (because that means that you're already a bad mother) becomes more of a problem then gender disappointment could ever be.

- Everything becomes a sign that you're going to be or already are a bad mother.

- You're hungry all the time, but can't eat (hey, hyper g, fuck you), you're exhausted all the time but can't sleep and if you're dog wakes you up at night one more time he's going to the pound.

- Your husband is both the most wonderful man in the world, and the scum of the earth, in rapid succession, for no aparent reason.

- Watching this video may help allevieate some of the crazies, because if we can't laugh at ourselves we'll kill the stupid mother fucker who laughs at us:

I'll have more pearls of wisdom for you all later. Right now, I need a nap.

Live Update

2011-03-12T04:55:00.000-08:00

So, It's currently March of 2011 (as you can see from the post date). My last post was May of 2010.
Why?
Well, there's a lot of reasons.
I lost that pregnancy. The one I blogged about. I didn't want to blog about that, but I had already mentioned the pregnancy. So I stepped away from the blog all together.
That was probably stupid.
See, I think that people should talk about pregnancy loss. We don't talk about it enough. Everytime I see some one announce their pregnancy on Facebook ten seconds after peeing on a stick, my heart clenches a little bit. For fear, that what happened to me, might happen to them.
You see, I feel like I can talk about it now.
Because I'm pregnant again. But really pregnant this time. I'm 14 weeks pregnant now. I have a healthy baby so far as I know, a healthy strong heart beat of 170. I have a belly too. It's pretty awesome. Except the whole problem of Hyperemesis Gravidarium. It sucks. Most pregnant women get morning sickness. Hyper G is what happens when your body goes all wonky on the pregnancy hormones. You end up nauseated and vomiting 24/7. They say it's supposed to let up at the end of the first trimester, I'm still waiting. But it's worth it. No matter how much I throw up, how dehydrated I get or how miserable I might feel in my body, I'll never regret this pregnancy.

We moved out of the city, to nowhere (about an hour and a half away). It's close enough that we've been able to maintain our relationship with our church and friends, but far enough that it's really difficult. Mr. Tulip found an excellent job out here about 10 seconds after graduation. That job he was interviewing for in the "monumental" post. We're hoping to move back next summer.

I left the photo studio not long after we moved. Then I found a job at a pet store, one of those big national chain brand ones. But I left that store shortly after I got pregnant. I'm now "self employed". Traveling to craft fairs with Fox to sell my wares (which you'll be seeing around here a lot more). I also do some proof-reading work and some updating of resumes. You can find my etsy HERE.

My friend from the last post is doing much better. She's been clean since that happened, been through rehab and is living on her own with a sweet boyfriend. I miss seeing her, but we talk, and I'm glad that she's doing better. Relieved I think is a good word.

That's it for now. It's a sweet Saturday morning, and Mr. Tulip and I are going to make these bagels and hopefully I'll be able to eat one!

Update on my friend

2010-05-23T06:41:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I made this post. After she showed up at her Mom's house, they had her comitted as a suicide risk to a psych ward for 5 days. Now she's at an inpatient treatment facility for addiction. It's a nice place. I've been talking to her mom's wife about it, and she says it's nice. Spiritual, but not religious. They do yoga and have a nutritionist on staff to talk about how to eat.

I know it's pointless, and it's not true, but I can't help but feel responsible.
She never would've started hanging out with him if I'd been around more.

I'm going to stop that train of thought right there. Deb, the mother's wife, says that I shouldn't contact her for a little while. She's technically clean, but still really screwed up. Aparently she was lying to me about a lot of things, not just that Jason ass.

She wasn't taking her meds.
She was compulsively shopping.
She was lying to me and everyone about everything, even stupid things.

When we go out to that side of the state for Sister-winlaw's wedding, I'm going to get to visit her. In August when Mr. Tulip and I go to the ren fest, we're going to see about getting her a day pass to come with us.

It stings, not being able to call my best friend and tell her about what's going on in my life. It makes me feel all icky and lonely. I miss her. But she's where she needs to be now. She's getting the help she needs. And it's the best thing for her. I just need to be strong and hope that Deb is passing on my messages that I love her, miss her and can't wait to see her again.

Menu Planning

2010-05-23T06:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, Mr. Tulip and I need to learn to live more frugally. A big step in this is going to be learning to plan, and stick to and shop from a menu!

So, here's my menu for this week:

Sunday:
B- Dunkin Donuts (sunday tradition)
L- Sandwhiches at home
D- Left overs

Monday:
B- Eggy and toast
L- Packed lunch for work (Mr. Tulip: Turkey Sandwhich)
D- Broccoli Noodle thing I have in the freezer.

Tuesday:
B- Cereal
L- Soup (Broc/Chz soup left over)
D- Chicken and waffles

Wednesday:
B-Waffles
L- Packed lunch for work
D- Tacos

Thursday:
B- Eggy and Toast
L- Chicken soup
D- Stuffed Shells ( Recipe, sub spinach and mushrooms for meatsie)

Friday:
B- Eggy and Toast
L- Packed for work
D- Scrounge/ Left overs

Saturday:
B- Cereal
L- Ramen or grabables
D- Hobbit Food (Bacon, Mushrooms, greens, bread etc...)

Snacks:
Crackers
Cutting Cheese
Pickles
Avocados
Tomatos

Important note: Except for today, there's no eating out on this menu! I plan to stick to it, at least for this week! We did just invest in a video game system (an N64... because we're that awesome) so that's our "eating out" budget for the week.

Today is Monumental

2010-05-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm currently sitting in a coffee shop. I'm drinking Decaf.

I'm pregnant.

Mr. Tulip is currently in a job interview. For a good job.

And I'm pregnant.

I took a test this morning. The line was faint, but it was there.

I'm pregnant.

WTF is up with my chart?

2010-05-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Seriously, what the hell is this shit?

I'm allegedly 15dpo right now. But still getting BFNs. I may not have O'd until CD 20, which means I'm only 13 dpo now. But I might not've O'd until cd 25, if that's the case I'm only 8 dpo.

This is absurd. I would really like to know what's up with my body right now. Or at least have AF show off so I'll know what's going on.

I'm not giving up this cycle just yet. It ain't over till its over!

Holding Pattern

2010-05-11T05:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I got a message from my best friend's Dad. She had gone missing. My friend from this post. She was last known to be with "Jason". The only "Jason" that she knew, as far as I was aware, was her dealer.

He's bad. He had a girl OD'ing in his car and he "punched her in the face to bring her around" and when that didn't work he "called an ambulence and left her at a truck stop". Then he ran away. Cowardly fucker.

Last we'd heard, she was supposedly in Harrisburg, but she had called from a Pittsburgh number. (Her family is out towards Philly). The Pittsburgh number belonged to Jason. She told me she hadnt heard from him in a while, and had no intention of seeing him again.

She'd visited me Friday night, but didn't stay, she went back to Indiana (the city, not the state) that night. She was going to meet me for breakfast in Pittsburgh Saturday morning but she over slept.

Confused? Yeah, me too.

When she came in on Friday, she hugged me, then vomitted on my floor. We cleaned it up then had dinner. She was miraculously hungry. But her eyelids were heavy.

She's safe now. She showed up at her Mom's house some time really late last night.

I could scream. I could slap her.

I could cry.

I did.

Fuck.

Beltane

2010-05-09T17:39:00.001-07:00

I know, I know, this is like a week late, but I just got the picture! Beltane is the most glorious holiday of the year, in my humble opinion. I love it. It's free, it's warm and sunny. It's dancing in the grass in your bare feet, making a crown of flowers. It's cook outs and a may pole and music played on flutes.

At night, it's hot. It's sweaty. It's sensual and fertile and sex. And fire. Leaping over the blaze, for just one moment letting your soles feel the warmth and your life hangs in the balance. It's a time to plant. It's a time to ask for what you want. It's the most fertile night of the year, it's said that a child conceived on Beltane is most blessed.

The May King and May Queen act as God and Goddess, sharing in the "Great Right".

Which means sex. Really REALLY HOT sex.

I love Beltane.

Beginning to TTC (Why I'm a terrible blogger)

2010-05-07T21:09:00.001-07:00

This is my first two week wait.

In the lead up to this:

Mr. Tulip has graduated with his MA
I was offered a management position at the studio.
I turned down a management position at the studio.
Boss Lady is about to POP! (Baby boss lady is due very soon)

Well, alright that's about it.

Not much has changed.

Except we're trying to get pregnant now.

In 7 days I'll POAS and we'll see what happens.

7 days.

I don't think I'll last that long.

Back From the Honeymoon! (Picture Post)

2010-03-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

We're back! Here are a few choice shots from the last couple of days, our wonderful three day cruise to the Bahamas that Mr. Tulip won for us last year at the Wooing contest! Enjoy!

Some things that are awesome

2010-03-01T18:10:00.000-08:00

These are things that make me happy right now:
- I have tuna helper simmering on the stove (I know, I'm a great cook, but sometimes you just want something that comes with sauce in powder form)
-It's Monday, on Thursday Mr. Tulip and I leave for our Honeymoon! A 3 day cruise of the Bahamas!
- I got to see my BFFs yesterday.
-I have a recipe brewing for salsa, but it needs hashed out a bit before I post it.
- My honeymoon is less than 3 days away!
-Tomorrow, I have photography class and that's always awesome.
-Mr. Tulip agreed to do the laundry this week, so we have lots of clothes for our cruise.
-Did I mention I'm going on my honeymoon?

Home made bagles FTW

2010-02-19T15:14:00.000-08:00

Mr. Tulip is a bagel fiend. I'm sure you can imagine his excitement and child-like joy when I announced that I was going to try my hand at making some home made ones. He was elated. And the 8 bagels that we made were devoured within moments.

The recipe I used was adapted from 3 different recipes and tutorials, I found online. However, this one is the page that inspired me to give it a whirl: click

So, with out Further ado, here's how I did it.

Homemade bagel recipe (Makes 8)
4 cups bread flour
1 Tbsp sugar
1 1/2 tsps salt
1 Tbsp vegetable oil
2 tsps instant yeast
1 1/2 cups of warm water.
Pam
(+ some water, sugar, and flour if needed)

Mix all the ingredients your big mixing bowl. The dough should feel stiff, if it’s really dry or you can’t get all the flour in, add a little bit of water. Just a little bit at a time. If it gets too loose a tiny bit more flour. Be careful not too make it too loose.

Plop the dough down onto the counter, and knead for about ten minutes, or until the dough is uniform and smooth.

There can be some playing with portions of flour and water here too. The dough should be thick and slightly sticky, but not clinging to your hands or the counter. I recommend not flouring the counter to begin with, and adding only a little bit of flour at a time until it reaches the desired consistency.

Divide the dough into 8 even balls. I recommend using a sharp knife and cutting it. Then rolling the dough between your hands like play-doh. Give it a couple good smacks.

Let the dough-balls sit for 15 minute or so.

Pre heat your oven to 400 (You may need to adjust the temp, my oven runs hot)
Take each ball of dough, and roll it into a snake shape until its about two palm-widths long, do this on a NON-floured surface. Trust me on this one. Then wrap the snake around the back of your hand, placing both ends in your palm. Squeeze the ends together, so it fuses and sticks. (This is why you don’t want too much flour, if your dough isn’t somewhat sticky, the ends wont fuse and you wont have bagels).

Let your bagels (see, no longer dough balls, now they’re bagels!) rest for another 15-20 minutes. I let them hang out on the cookie sheet, since I have really limited counter space. While you’re waiting get a pot of water boiling. I like to add a little bit of sugar to the water, just a dash though.

See, boiling the dough before you bake it is what makes a bagel, a bagel. It’s very important. So get that water ready to go!

Once your bagels have rested, it’s time to boil them. I usually do them 2 or 3 at a time. Boil them on one side for a minute, then flip them over and boil them on the other side for a minute.

Make sure to let your bagels drain for a minute or two before putting them on your greased cookie sheet.

This is the part where you can add toppings if you want. I didn’t for these ones but I’m particularly fond of poppy seed bagels. The best way to do it is to fill a shallow dish with what ever topping you want to add. Then, when the bagels come out of the boiling water, plop it in the dish, give it a little wiggle, and then put it on the cookie sheet topping side up.

Put your tray in the oven, bake them for 10 minutes, flip them over, then bake for another 10. (do this for topped bagels too)

Let them cool for at least 20 minutes, get the cream cheese ready, and feast !

Mmmm those look awesome.

Snowpocalypse! (Picture Post)

2010-02-12T15:18:00.001-08:00

In order to hide from the storm, we made a blanket fort in the living room and hid in it while watching Harry Potter.
It was the best snow day.

Low fat, High delicious Dinner

2010-02-07T06:06:00.001-08:00

The other night I made an Ah-May-Zing dinner of Sweet potato fries and Shrimp salads. This is how I did it!

Baked Sweet Potato Fries:
I think next time I make these, I'm going to try frying them instead of baking them. They were delicious and tastey and awesome, but not very crispy fry-like.

Ingredients:
-2 sweet potatoes
-Olive oil
-Salt, Pepper, Dried Parsley, Garlic Powder

Directions:
-Preheat oven to 375
-Peel sweet potatoes, slice into fry shaped slices. Put into a baking dish
-Toss slices into olive oil
-Sprinkle Salt, Pepper, Parsley and Garlic Powder over fries, stir around to evenly distribute
-Bake for about 20 minutes, until they're sizzling and lovely
-Cool for a sec, you don't want to burn your tongue!

Shrimp Nest salad (No dressing needed)

Ingredients (makes 2)
- A little less than 1/2 a head of iceburg lettuce
-2 tiny cucumbers (or 1 big cucumber)
-2 small tomatoes (I used the stem ones, because they looked lovely)
- Alfalfa sprouts
-1 Avocado
- A big handful of fat free cheese (chedder)
- 16oz bag of pre-cooked, peeled, deveined shrimps (defrosted)
-Olive oil, Redwine Vinegar, Salt, Pepper, Garlic powder, dried parsley
-2 big plates

Directions:
-Dump shrimps into a bowl. Add oil, vinegar until the shrimp are just barely covered (you probably want about a 3:2 Vinegar:Oil ratio) Add spices. Let that set while you do the rest of teh salad.
-Tear apart the lettuce. You don't need a lot, the lettuce isn't the star here. Place it in a small pile in the center of each plate.
-Peel and slice the cucumber into half moon slices. Arrange them around the lettuce in a circle.
-Slice the tomatoes into 8th's. Place them around the outer edge of the cucumber halo. 1 Tomato per salad.
-Make a ring/nest of alfalfa sprouts around the lettuce pile. Don't be stingy, these have a great flavor.
-Take a small handful of the fat free cheese, sprinkle it inside the alfalfa nest.
-Slice the avocado open, remove pit, peel and slice. Arrange the slices on around the nest. 1/2 for each salad.
-Take a big spoon and scoop out the shrimps. Add a big spoonful to the center of the nest. Make sure to get a little bit of the vinaigrette with them, it adds zing!
-You'll probably have some extra shrimp left over. That's a good thing. Eat them.

Enjoy! Mr. Tulip loved this salad so much, and declared it the only salad he's ever had that didn't need dressing! Yay!

Weight Loss Update

2010-02-07T06:05:00.000-08:00

No change really, I'm about 186 all the tine. No need for a new picture.
Better luck next week?

Loosing Weight

2010-01-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

Writing down weightloss goals, guidlines and progress is supposed to help you stay on track. So, here I go!

My Goal: Get my weight back down to 160 and/or Reach a size 12 by my Sister in Law's Wedding. (This is assuming I dont' get pregnant between now and then)

Currently:

Size 14
186 lbs

My Guidlines:
No meat except for fish (this isn't a hard one for me)
One vegan meal a day (this is the hard one)
One protein heavy meal a day (Usually breakfast with eggs)
Always have a glass of water at hand (I break this one a lot)
All snacks after 5 pm must be vegan (This one is also difficult, but doable)

Since that picture was taken I'm feeling better about myself. I'm thinking that I'll update my weight loss progress once a week. To check in with myself.

Until Next time :)

Super easy delicious Clam Chowder!

2010-01-25T15:11:00.000-08:00

The other night while at a potluck at a friend's house I found out the term for my eating habits "Pescatarian". Meaning some one who doesn't eat most meat, only fish. Which is how I roll. Unfortunately most commercial Clam Chowder is made with chicken broth (LAME!) and most recipes have chicken broth (Even more LAME!) So here's my recipe, as per usual, the measurements are all approximate.

Delicious Clam Chowder!

Ingredients :

3 (6.5 oz) Cans of clams
3 or 4 potatoes, chopped up to a happy bite size
3 0r 4 stalks of celery, also chopped bite size
A small hand full of parsley minced (I used italian parsley)
A big scoop of minced garlic (I like the stuff from the jar, but 2-3 cloves minced would be lovely)
A handfull of baby carrots, bite sized
1/4 of a sweet onion, diced
2 cans of corn, no salt added
Stick and a half of butter (you can use margarine if you're all about that)
A small box (8 oz) of Clam stock (you could use chicken broth too if you can't find clam stock. if you're not all about chicken, use a little veggie stock. Clam juice is also usable, but cut it 50/50 with water so it's not so salty)
Quart of Half n Half (I used fat free, but regular is cool too)
Flour and/or Cornstarch (I ended up using both)
A dash of red wine vinegar
Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder

Directions:

- First open your cans of clams, drain them into your favorite covered pot. I used my wok because I love it. Set the clams aside. Toss the Potatos, Carrots, Onion, Celery, Parsley and Garlic into the claim juice. Cover it, simmer it.

-Chop up your butter and toss it into your soup pot, on medium heat. Melt that shit. Pour in some half n half. Now it's time to thicken it up. Slowly toss in the flour or corn starch. I ended up using about 3/4 C of flour and a couple tablespoons of corn starch. I find it works best to use a whisk and slowly alternate adding thickening agent and half and half.

-Once the veggies are starting to soften up, add the clam stock and turn up the heat. (I also tossed in a little bit of salt and pepper, but that's up to you). Open the cans of corn and drain most but not all of the liquid out of them. Add this to the veggies, cover and let it cook until the potatoes are soft.

-Once the veggies have softened, give them a light mashing, squishing up the potatoes a bit.

- Add the veggie/clam juice mixture to the half n half mixture. Stir it up like it's your job. Raise the heat a little and add a splash of red wine vinegar, I estimate maybe 2 tablespoons, max. Adjust the flavor using the Salt, Pepper, and Garlic powder until it tastes good.

- Shortly before you plan on eating it add the clams, the ones you sat aside earlier. If you cook them too long they get tough and rubbery, and no one likes rubbery clams. Turn down the heat and wait just long enough to ensure that the clams are warm.

-As with all comfort soups, it is best to serve this chowder in a big mug. Enjoy!

The Great Crab Escapade!

2010-01-16T07:58:00.000-08:00

A couple days ago I went to Wholey's, the amazing market on the Strip District to buy some Crab for Mr. Tulip and I . Well, it was on sale so I went a bit over board and got something like six pounds of frozen crab legs. Here, in picutres, is an account of the preparation of said crab legs.

Our frozen snow crab clusters!

To handle this much delicious, I'm going to need my big pot! Now to fill it up with water...

Oh crap. Looks like the sink is filled with dishes. Hmm... I could do them myself, but Mr. Tulip promised to do the dishes when he gets home tonight and I HATE doing dishes...

Sweet. Fill the pan up with water...in the bathtub.

Put it on the stove. Turn the heat up high.

Add a hearty handful of Old Bay. Don't be stingy, old bay is your friend.

Add your crab legs, one at a time. Keep the heat up, the frozen legs will make the water cold, but don't despair, they'll heat up soon enough.

Well, it's not crab legs with out butter. So now's a good time to get the butter going. First get a stick of butter and cut it up, then put it in a pot, like this.

Add some herbs and garlic (Parsley, chives, garlic, a little tiny bit of salt and a bit of pepper)

Melt it! Stir it over very low heat. Paula Deen would be proud.

...And... When they're ready (they'll be red and wonderful looking) take them out of the pot and put them on a fancy tray that you got as a wedding gift.

Mr. Tulip enjoying his crab, he's classy.

Oh yeah, check that out. YUM!

Man, we need to eat like this more often! ::Drool::

You might be a domestic if...

2010-01-09T07:33:00.000-08:00

... you're looking forward to your days off so you can cook.
... you are so excited about your new copy of "mastering the art of french cooking" that you put it in your profile picture.
... you obsess over ways to keep your apartment from smelling like cats.
... your new kitchen table is the highlight of your month:

I think this domestic thing is going to work out pretty well for me.

Photo Post

2010-01-07T16:59:00.000-08:00

So, as I said I got a swell new camera for Christmas. It's a Nikon D3000 (DSLR) and it's pretty much made my life.
And as promised here are a few photo highlights from the last 2 1/2 weeks:

The first picture I took with the camera, look at that light, those colors! I think I'm going to like this thing!

Our Christmas dinner, Cornish hen with stuffing, roasted veggies and rosemary white wine cream sauce, it was heavenly.

Family Photo fail!

Mr. Tulip looking incredibly handsome as he reads to me (we're reading Lord of the Rings right now)

The tree and all the gifts at the Winlaws house. We go to visit them for the week between Christmas and New Years, it's one of my favorite things about the whole year! I want to post more pictures from the week, but I don't want to post anyone's picture online with out their permission.

A really great shot from the lake near the Winlaws' house. I'm really stoked about this new camera. Many more pictures to come, I'm sure!

Sorting Out some thoughts

2010-01-05T19:35:00.001-08:00

Mr. Tulip and I have been having the talk. The "how do you feel about TTC" talk, we've been having it nearly every night. I feel pretty good about starting to try to get pregnant as soon as possible. Unfortunately things like, Grad school, health insurance and money are all obstacles. Hopefully they are obstacles that wont be a problem any more in May, when we do start trying.

We were discussing this and what it amounted to on his end is that he doesn't really feel ready to start trying yet, but that he knows how important it is to me so he's willing to work hard and get ready.

I appreciate that he's on board. And I appreciate that he's willing to take the steps to get himself mentally and emotionally prepared for TTC and Pregnancy and Fatherhood. All of this is great, and I love him for it and I'm so fortunate to have a husband who takes it all as seriously as he does.

But I can't help but feel like I'm pushing him. Like I'm forcing him into something he doesn't want to do.

What needs to happen, is I need to get over this need I have to feel guilty about wanting to move ahead in my life, in our life, and accept that Mr. Tulip is supportive and working hard to get to where I am. I need to not require him to be on the same page with me all the time and accept that it may take him a while to accept where our lives are headed, and to decide what he wants and how he feels about it.

Yes, exactly. Now if only it were that easy...

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

Happy new year everyone! Today I believe that Mr. Tulip and I are going for a walk to take some pictures, I'll be back later with some highlights!

Something Fabulous

2009-12-31T07:15:00.000-08:00

This year, I got a beautiful DSLR from my mother for Yule! I'm so so stoked, not just because I now have a lean-mean-picture-taking-machine but because this really stands for her supporting my decision to pursue photography instead of nursing. Also, my hours are getting trimmed back at work again so I'll actually have time to study not only photography, but also cook beautiful things.

What this means or my blog: The slow and inevitable transition to photoblog, better/more pictures of food, more recipes, more blogging.

And now, because I promised it:

Beefy Oniony Mushroomy Stew stuff!

(I don't have a picture to show you, sorry. Mr Tulip and I ate it before I got a chance to take pictures of it)

Time from start to eating- 3 1/2 hours ish (or more depending on when you want to eat)
Feeds- I'd say 6 people with average appetites, 4 if some one eats a lot.

Ingredients:

2 lbs of beefs, I buy what ever is an inexpensive hunk of beef and chop it up myself into nice bite size pieces because it's less expensive that way.

2 boxes of beef broth (You'll use about 1 1/2)

1 onion, I used a mayan sweet onion and it was good. Chop it up into spoon sized chunks.

2 boxes of mushrooms, baby bellas are my favorite. They'll need to be sliced for the soup but as with the beef, it's frequently less expensive to buy the whole mushrooms and then chop them yourself

An asston of butter

A couple big cloves of garlic, minced

Salt, Pepper, Thyme, Rosemary

Some flour

For the topping: (You'll need oven-safe soup crocks for this part)

Some high quality shredded Parmesan or Gruyere cheese (depending on your tastes)

Stale bread or croutons, what ever is convenient.

Directions

So, melt about a stick of butter in your favorite soup pot.
While that's melting, coat your beefs with flour, you can do this in a big bowl, toss the beefs in the flour until they look pretty well coated.
Take your chopped up floured beefs, pop them in the pot and brown them.
Then toss in the chopped up onion.
Cook until the onion is all soft and it smells like heaven, then add the garlic. There should be a thick paste like sauce stuff in the bottom (made from the flour combining with the butter and beef juice).
Pour in one box of broth, stir it up, wait for it to start getting all bubbly (this may take a few minutes depending on the size of your pan, then throw in the mushrooms.
Add a pinch of salt, some pepper, about a tsp of thyme (maybe 2 tsp) and about a Tbsp of rosemary (or two, if you're into that sort of thing).
Add the other half of a box of broth.

Cover. Let it simmer for something near 2 hours. (I simmered it for an hour, had it turned off for 3 while I went to class then simmered it another hour when I got home)

When you open it you should have a thick stew-like broth with a whole bunch of amazing floating in it.

You can eat it now, if you want. That's totally cool. Or you can be an over achiever and take it from "Oh, boy, this is a great stew" to "Oh My GAWD". It's your choice.

So here's what you do:

If you don't have croutons ready, make some. Here's the easiest way:

Spray some cooking spray stuff on a cookie sheet. Slice up your stale bread (I make little triangles with it, it'll need to be able to fit in a soup crock) Place it on the cookie sheet, spray the tops of your breads. Sprinkle some garlic powder on them, for fun. Put the sheet in the oven on 350 until they're golden brown and crispy. Do this while the soup is simmering.

Nearly fill a few crocks with stew (3/4), one crock per eater. Place croutons in the soup. Cover with your fancy cheese (I used some really wonderful shredded Parm, but I'm open to suggestions).

Put your crocks on a cookie sheet (use the same one you made the croutons on), and put them in the oven at 350 for 10-15 minutes or until the cheese is all melty and glorious. After you take them out put the lids on them (if you have lids). Put your non-crocked soup into a fancy tureen (if you have one, I like to use mine when ever the opportunity presents itself).

Set the table and serve! Be careful, the crocks will be hot.

Enjoy, Until next time
-Tulip

Grades are in

2009-12-16T11:14:00.000-08:00

Well, I did it. And now, I'm going to brag about it!

I survived the semester. I got an A in Anatomy and a B in Microbiology. All told I'm very proud of myself. I also managed to work 45 hours during finals week and not have a total mental break down. Granted I'm exhausted and this is the first day off I've had in a week but, it's all good.

That's all for now, post/recipe coming later about beefy mushroomy oniony stew stuff.

Finals, Finales, saying goodbye

2009-12-10T10:37:00.001-08:00

One final down, one more to go. I just finished taking my Anatomy 2 final and am taking a brief brain break before attempting to finish my take-home final for microbiology and study for the in-class final.

And, as usually happens before I start blogging, it got me thinking. Here I am, busting ass to get ready for two finals, to do well in two classes that I no longer need. It's freeing really. The lack of responsibility. I don't need to do well in these classes, someday I may want the credits from them, but that's doubtful. If I went through everything I've gone through to make it into the nursing program now, and don't want to do it, then I doubt I'll want to do it in the future.

Crocheting a scarf for Mom for Yule, making plans to take our Honeymoon (finally) in March.

Best news of the week: I get to keep my job! I was #1 on my managers list to keep after the holidays, And even the district manager likes me, she thinks I'm pretty good at my job, and that's a really nice feeling.

Worst news of the week: I have a group of friends that exist in my computer. I'm sure they exist outside of it as well, but I only know them through the internet. They know more about me than many of my real-life friends and I've grown to love them. One of them recently went into labor at 24 weeks (that's only a little over half as long as you're supposed to be pregnant).

Her daughter lived for a few days and passed away last night. My heart broke for them so much. I got angry when I found out that she was unlikely to live and threw a shoe. I held onto hope and prayed to Gods I don't even know to try to help; to do something for this family. And I know that every wonderful woman on that site was doing the same.

It's not right, and it's not fair. There's something so wrong in the universe that a woman who is as sweet and kind as she is can have such a tragedy happen to her. I'm still praying for her, for all of us.

Just say no to nursing school

2009-11-18T06:22:00.001-08:00

And yes to being a pie in the sky dreamer.

I'm not going to finish the nursing program. I got in, and I was disappointed. As I was opening the envelope I realized that what I wanted was the letter that said "we're sorry...." Instead it said "Congratulations!" So I threw it across the room and glared at it.

I'm not going to do it. I feel horrible taking the spot from some one who wants it, hopefully there's a waiting list.

I'm going to be a photographer. I'm taking a class in photography next semester and I'm going to do it.

I'm really proud of myself.

Now, all I need is a really good DSLR, which I can't afford. But I'll find a way.

I am stronger than your drug

2009-11-12T16:31:00.000-08:00

Well, that’s it. After 4 months of relative sanity and no longer being a slave to my anxiety, it’s back, and on fire.

Today instead of studying for the gigantic exam that I just took (and bombed), I sat on the couch and stared off into space. For a while I slapped myself around, then I snuggled the cat, rocked back and forth, and then twitched for a while.

I tried to study, I really did. I wanted to study, I’d like to do well in my classes so that if I do in fact get into the nursing program, I’ll have good grades. That’d all be nice.

But today, something else had a hold on me. Dark cold fingers gripped my chest, making it hard to breath, kept me pinned to the couch, so that even my desire to walk into the kitchen and eat seemed impossible.

I don’t think that most people have their lives so touched by heroin. I really don’t. I just lost a friend to a junkie, and now, my best friend is becoming one.

My best friend. The girl that should always be there for me, that I’ll always be there for. She was my maid of honor, I’m going to be her maid of honor we have matching tattoos, we even wear dorky Best Friends necklaces.

She’s using. Not only is she using. She’s shooting up. She’s shooting up and she’s lying to me.

She told me she’s been clean for 2 weeks, that she wants nothing to do with the guy that got her into it. She has a handle on it, she wants her life back, she wants her self back. She hasn’t been using long, or that much, she’s really working hard on sobriety.

(It bares mentioning, they don’t have a romantic relationship, just friends.)

This is what she told me. And I believed her.

This is what she told another friend:
She’s not been clean two weeks, she’s been clean maybe a week and a half, if that. She is still hanging out with this guy, they’ve been planning a trip across the state together. She did 10 bags a week.

I think 10 bags a week is a lot.

She didn’t tell me about either of these things.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t loose her. I wont.

I think the most that I can do is be there for her. Call her daily, text as much as I can. Be supportive, be there for her.

I have no fucking idea what to do for some one who uses heroin.

The last time I was close friends with a junkie he ended up OD’ing in the back of my car because he mixed two things that shouldn’t be mixed. (He ended up surviving, I got him to the hospital in time. We never spoke again after that)

I’m not prepared for this. I have no idea what to do for her. Do I tell some one else? That feels like something that a 16 year old in highschool would do. Oh no, my friend is doing drugs, I should tell a teacher!

She says that she’s going to therapy through the school, for her depression. She says she told her therapist about her drug use.

I don’t know, I don’t know if I can trust what she’s telling me.

I’m going to have to be stronger than the drug. I’m going to have to force my will to save her on this terrible demon that has infected her.

I must. And I will. She will not be taken from me. I swear it.
By all of the Gods that have been, are or shall be, I will NOT allow her to be taken from me.

Decision making skills

2009-11-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

...I lack them.

When it comes to most things, I'm really great at making decisions, I weigh my options and almost always one option becomes the obvious choice. And that's the one I take. Bam, done. Move along.

But this, this I just can't grasp.

I'm staring down the barrel at nursing school.Two years of intense classes, labs, clinicals, long nights of studying and exhaustion. Everyone I talk to about it says that you have to really really want it. You have to want to be a nurse, keep your eyes on the prize, stay motivated and focus.

Here's the kicker though, I don't actually want to be a nurse.

I want a job where I can pay the bills and make good money only working part time. I want a job that I can find anywhere in the country that isn't likely to become obsolete in the next five years.

But being a nurse, dealing with the sick, the injured, all the time. Eh... I could take it or leave it. I like helping people, but do I really want to deal with idiots all day?

Another issue, the community college that I'm going to for school has yet to inform those of us who applied for the spring if we're in or not. Scheduling for classes started last week, now everything is filled. Except first semester nursing classes, obviously. So if I don't get in (which due to a weird loophole I may well not), I wont be able to go for anything else, since I wont be able to get into anything else.

If I decide "fuck it" now, I could probably still get into the Phlebotomy program, they make less money but the program is much much shorter and I could be working sooner while Mr. Tulip is making up his mind about where to go for his PhD.

But if I wait until late November, no dice. I'll be shit outta luck. I've taken all the classes I can take with out officially being in the program, and I can't afford to wait until next fall, that will eliminate my buffer semester, which I really want in case Mr. Tulip and I decide to make a little Tulip baby or in case the scheduling gods are not kind to me.

If I don't get in, I keep working the job I work now. Which is cool, I really like the job I'm working now, it's just that when we move for Mr. Tulip's PhD program, will I be able to find a job? Will there be openings for a children's photographer where ever we go? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows!

The whole thing is, I'm kind of hoping I dont get into the program. I don't really want to be a nurse, and I really don't want to bust my ass for two years of school for a career that ideally I don't want to have for more than 5 years anyway. But, it'd be a reliable job that I would always have as a fall back plan, which, with a wanna-be-theatre-professor for a husband, maybe having something to fall back on wouldn't be that bad of an idea.

Ugh. I don't know. As of right now my plan is to hold out, find out if I get in. If I get in, at least try it and see if I can do it (who knows? maybe I'll really like it), if I don't get in, well, try the phlebotomy program, if that doesnt work, at least I really like my job (even if I don't make enough to pay the bills).

-Tulip

Roast 'em, Toast' em Eat 'em Up!

2009-11-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

Today, I am writing about that most glorious treat of Fall, Roasted Pumpkin Seeds!

So as Mr. Tulip and I were carving our pumpkins, we saved the guts (seeds + strings) in a big pot. After the pumpkins were lit, I turned my attention to the guts. They had to be made into something amazing, Pumpkin seeds are one of the best parts of the build up to Halloween!

First, I picked the seeds out of the squishy bits. I recommend leaving some of the strings attached, it adds a really nice flavor and texture, I wish I had left more on than I did.

I mixed up some (probably something like 1 1/2 to 2 cups) olive oil with a whole bunch of salt and just a dash of garlic powder, then I rinsed and dried all the seeds, tossed them in the olive oil, spread them out in my pyrex casserole dish, baked them at 375 for around 45 minutes.

When the seeds look all golden brown and wonderful, they're ready. I let them cool for a moment, put some paper towels down on a platter, scooped the seeds onto the paper towels. Blotted them. Then put them in a dish and ate them like it's my job.

Mr. Tulip enjoyed them as well, and Mr. Tulip is an extraordinarily picky eater. He ate them by the fistful!

Up next: A treatise on decision making and why I suck at it.

Pumpkin Picking and Carving!

2009-10-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

A few days ago Mr. Tulip and I went pumpkin picking! It's always been one of my favorite things about fall. Growing up my parents and I would go to a local farm near our house, where they would scatter the pumpkins around a field, and we would tromp through the mud and muck in an efford to find the best pumpkin in the patch. Then I would run screaming through the corn maze, drink hot apple cider, and we'd pick up a bunch of their fresh delicious food to take home and make dinner.

It was always one of my favorite days of the year.

Unfortunatly Mr. Tulip and I don't have the time this fall to go and spend a day at the local farm out here (a different one from where I grew up, but just as wonderful). So we went a few days ago, after Mr. Tulip finished his classes and chose our pumpkins.

Here are some photos from our trip:

Mr. Tulip holding a very large pumpkin, behind him you can see one of the half dozen pumpkin mountains that they had to pick from!

Here is a rather blurry photo of me with my pumpkin:

And here are our Pumpkins all carved and ready to be lit up!

Up Next: Roasted Pumpkins seeds. The hows and the whys!

Spinach Artichoke Dip of Epic Win

2009-10-27T08:19:00.001-07:00

Any time I have a Pot luck/ What can I bring event, I always make this dip, it's amazing hot or cold, and can be made with out the bacon if you're not all about the meat (it can also be made low fat by buying low fat cream cheese and sour cream)

Tulip's Leg Humpingly Good Spinach Artichoke Dip

1 block of frozen spinach, defrosted and drained
1 can of artichoke hearts, drained and chopped up
A good size slice of red onion (like a thick slice from the middle), chopped up fine
A block of cream cheese, softened
A small container of sour cream
1/4 lb of bacon, cooked and crumbled
Some Garlic powder, Parsley (chopped up) Pepper, a little butter or left over bacon grease

*Melt the butter (or bacon grease) in a pot. Put the onion into the butter and cook it until it's all caramelized and wonderful.

*Turn heat to meadium, put spinach and artichokes in and stir it around until it's warmed though. Add Cream cheese and sour cream.

*Continue to cook on medium until everything is even. Then add bacon, parsley, garlic powder and a little bit of pepper to taste.

*Turn heat down a smidge and let it cook until it's all ooy gooey and wonderful. (Be sure to take lots of taste tests to make sure it's good.)

*Put into a container and take it to where ever you're going (it's good hot and cold, so you can make it the night before). I recomend pumpernikle bread to go with it, but anything dipable will do!

(Pictures coming soon)

Amazing Honey Mustard Dressing

2009-10-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I just made the most amazing single serving honey mustard dressing of EVER.
Seriously, it was divine.

Here's how I did it:

I got one of my little souffle thingies (see picture below)

Put a fork full of room temp "killer bee" honey into said souffle thingy (Find it Here)

Then, I squirt a whole bunch of french's mustard, the kind you get at the grocery store, into it.

Stir it all up (using the same fork I used for the honey, no need to make extra dirty dishes).
When it gets a nice thick, but still liquid texture (like how salad dressing is supposed to look) then it's ready.

Dump it all over your left over salad and enjoy.

- Tulip

Goodbye Gypsy

2009-10-14T08:05:00.000-07:00

The only thing worse than saying goodbye to a once good friend, is to say goodbye to a once good friend with out that friend knowing it.

One of my best friends from college, let's call her Gypsy, lived next door to Mr. Tulip and I for about a year. She lived there with her fiance. At first, we all really liked fiance, he seemed like a really sweet guy.

Then they started borrowing money from us, and not paying it back.
Only talking to us when they need a favor.
I only saw Gypsy occasionally, and Fiance always had her cell phone. She never got my messages.
Fiance borrowed(stole) some of Mr. Tulip's books.

Found out Fiance is an addict.

Found out that Fiance has effectively cut Gypsy off from all her friends that questioned him. Even the ones who she was closer to than she was to me, like sisters.

Then they got evicted.

Now I'm never going to see her again.

I want so badly to tell her what I think about Fiance, what a total douche he is, how he is a liar, and a junkie and a thief and all he does is disappoint.

But, she does'nt take criticism well. Gypsy didn't speak to her mother (whom she was very close to) for 4 months last year, over Christmas and Thanksgiving because she told her that she disapproved of Fiance. Fiance has made sure to cut of all contact between Gypsy and her friends that didn't like him.

So, I stayed friendly.

Now they're moving. Fiance still has the only cell phone. Their stuff is in our basement, because they allegedly did not have any warning that they were being kicked out (lies). Once they come and get it, I'm never going to see her again.

I'm not going to start a fight about it though. I'm going to let her know that I love her, and that I'm here for her. And if she comes around and realizes that Fiance is bad, hopefully she'll remember me.

Goodbye Gypsy. I'm going to miss you.

Oh, that's right, we're still students!

2009-10-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

I had forgotten that Mr. Tulip and I are still both students. You see, we had enough money to pay our bills, we could even afford to go out to dinner every now and again. Things were pretty excellent. Then his refund got lost in the shuffle and I switched jobs and suddenly, we're broke!

No no, don't send any donations, we'll be just fine in a week or two. But it's really brought things into sharp focus for me. We're not financially okay yet. With both of us in school, it's impossible for either of us to really work full time. So while we're okay day to day and with our normal bills, when a sudden and unexpected bill shows up, we're fraked.

Speaking of sudden and unexpected bills, I hate health insurance companies.

Last spring, I bought my own health insurance plan. I was making enough money at the little company I was working for to be able to afford it. I went to the doctor to fix my bad feet. Doctor fixed them, I had insurance, all was well and good in the world.

Then, like everyone else in the country, I lost my job. Laid off. So, I could no longer afford to pay the extra money every month for health insurance and I cancelled the policy.

Then the health insurance company sent me a letter saying that they've decided NOT to pay for the doctor I went to last spring.

And when I called to find out why, I needed a valid account number to talk to anyone, which I dont have, because I had canceled my account.

So now I owe the doctor's office $600.

Which, obviously, I don't have.

Awesome.

I dont want to whine about the matter, I'm certainly not the first person to be fraked over by the greedy douchey health insurance companies. I'm certainly not the last.

But hell, this is my blog, and I can whine if I want to.

So, long and short of it is:

Being a student makes you poor.
Health Insurance companies take advantage of you when you're poor, and that sucks.

Sage in a hot pink poncho

2009-10-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

It's still a bit early to tell for sure, but I think... maybe, I might, really really like my job.

Yes, I might really like my job. I like going to work. I have work tomorrow, I'm pretty stoked about it. I get to take pictures of babies and little kids and that rules.

Sweet.

I've been marinating on a new way of living my life. A new world view if you will, something that will revolutionize the way I go about my day to day business. Someday, I'm going to write a book about it and make a bajillionty dollars and be totally famous.

I call it "be happy with what you have".

I know. I know. It sounds super crazy, and you're thinking "But, Tulip, if I'm happy with what I have I'll become stagnant and bored! How ever will I improve and move on in my life if I'm happy with what I have?"

Well, there are two ways of approaching that.

One, if you're happy with what you have and then you are no longer happy, then you should change something in order to make yourself happy, this assumes that what makes you happy will change, which, let's be honest, it probably will.

Two, if you find that you're never happy with what you have and you're always looking for more it's probably time to calm the hell down. There is no such thing as perfect and there is no such thing as best. The best you can do, is to work hard and use the best of your abilities. The best of your abilities does not have to mean sacrificing your mental and physical health in order to achieve something. That's a bad thing. Very bad. Don't do it.

Like I said, I'm marinating on this idea.

One of the things I've been working on is recognizing periods of transition. Mr. Tulip and I are in a transitional period right now. He's still working on his MA, I'm still working on my RN, we both have fairly low paying jobs and still rely heavily on the subsidy provided by Mr. Tulip's dad to pay rent and bills (though, we've been relying on it less and less). So right now, things kind of suck some times. Like waking up this morning and realizing there was a negative balance in my checking account. That sucked.

But, some day, it won't suck. Some day, all the hard work and sacrifice that we're putting in now, will pay off, and I'll always have enough money in my bank account to get lunch. And I won't have to fill up my gas tank with spare change stolen from the "future children's college fund" jar. (Which, honestly, only has about $2 in it right now...)

So, in deference to my new way of life, I'm going to go study for my exam on Tuesday, snuggle my husband and relax for a bit, because despite of all the crap, my life pretty much rules right now.

Yours does too.

Remember that.

Picnics and New Jobs

2009-09-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

There are few things I love more than starting a new job. The anticipation of your gleaming first day of work, the ease of the first few days of training. Meeting new people, figuring out where you'll fit in the grand scheme of the work lace, it's exhilarating!

Last week, I quit Payless, no more shoes for me! And I mean it this time. And now, I have a new job, working at a cheesy picture studio in a Walmart. I know what you're thinking, Tulip? Working in Walmart? Say it isn't so! We've all gotta start some where buddy, and since I'm still in school, this is where I start. And to think! I get to be creative, I get to work with kids, I even get to use my mad sales skills, all for the same money I was making before plus comission. Yes, this is going to be a great job.

There is a down side, this is a "merit based company". And I'm considered "Temporary" until the holiday season is over. My boss is hiring 4 of us, only two can stay. It's going to be like America's next top model in this joint. Who can take better pictures? Who can sell more packages? Who can rise above the inherent drama of sales enviroments and ingratiate themselves to the boss? Thankfully, I've taken a lesson from Tim Gunn and decided to "Make it work".

Mr. Tulip and I had a lovely picnic dinner today! Out at that big park that I LOVE. Not much, except that we're really enjoying eachother's company now. Not to say that we didn't before, but with the stress of school and work we'd some how loose our attention in eachother, wouldn't talk so much. But today, today was really good.

It was a good day.

A four year old knows my secret

2009-09-04T20:13:00.000-07:00

I have a secret.

I blast it all over the Internet, but no one really knows.

There’s something that happens to me, every time I eat. My tummy poofs out. A lot. Excessive poof, and some foods are worse than others, but they all do it. Taco Bell is the worst. This is not a secret

I had Taco bell for lunch at work. Three soft tacos. I was really hungry.

And a cookie.

I was very poofy after that.

It was fairly busy at work tonight. I sold shoes by the dozens.

I hate selling shoes, but I’m very good at it.

As I was discussing shoes with a woman in her fourties, her disarmingly adorable four-year-old daughter walked right up to me and put her hands on my poofy tummy.

“That’s my tummy” I said, nodding. The mother had turned away and was arguing with the disarmingly adorable four-year-old’s older sister.

“Yes” The little girl said, not removing her hands. “Is there a baby in there?” she asked.

I’ve had this question before. I usually respond self consciously and with a bit of humor, something like “Oh boy, I hope not!” or “Nope, I’m just fat!”

Except, today was different.

“Not yet” I said, smiling at the little girl “Soon I hope though”.

“I hope so too!” she said, and went back to her mother.

As I walked away I realized that I had just divulged my deepest, most closely held secret to a four year old.

I want to be a mother. I want to get pregnant and have a baby more than I want anything else in this world. I want to have a family, my own family. My husband, he knows. We pretend that I'm just planning ahead. That the little box of baby clothes bought at a yard sale, thrift store, clearance rack is really for some day in the future. We pretend I don’t smile every time I see a blonde child.

We pretend that I’m happy to wait, because waiting for something makes it better, right?

I'll wait until he's ready.
Until our situation is better.

But Damn, I’m so ready.